CITY COUNCIL PRIMARY PRIME CANDIDATES
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Girlfriend’s ‘summer in Europe’ story hints strongly of international promiscuity
SKY BAR, MONDAY — Recent UNCA graduate Geoff Smith was “shattered” recently after his girlfriend of two months glowingly told Geoff of the lost, free-spirited post-graduation summer she spent in Europe.
“That trip really opened my eyes to all kinds of new possibilities,” Brianna Hopewell told Geoff over a bottle of wine at the top of the Flat Iron. “That was the summer this little girl became a woman.”
According to Geoff, the previous summer’s travel itinerary that Brianna related to him was a veritable tourist shooting gallery for horny European men — Venice, Amsterdam, Prague, Barcelona, and Rome.
Her trip, which included lots of hitchhiking and “getting by any way I could,” then ended in Paris, where she made “tons of local friends.”
With a sparkle in her eyes and flushed cheeks, Brianna told distressingly vague stories of “lost, crazy nights” and collective showers with fellow hostel guests.
“Although the Europeans rarely use ice cubes, there are a surprising number of hot tubs,” said Brianna. “But you have to get in good with a local to find out where they are.”
According to a Sky Bar server, Geoff listened with a clinched smile and one hand white-knuckling a cloth napkin.
“They’re so free of hang-ups over there, and the beaches are to die for,” Brianna continued. “I did some modeling over there, but I’m over it now.”
After Brianna mentioned being taken in by a very open-minded, older French couple who ran a successful winery/hot-tubbery out of their chateau (“They found the confining bonds of marriage to be nothing but an archaic paternalistic institution”), Geoff couldn’t keep quiet any longer.
“I scotched some girl from Alabama the summer after my sophomore year, so there,” he said. “Check, please.”
