• Local Alzheimer’s patient
chased through streets by
patriots after failing to
remember 9/11 attacks
• Man wields two-by-four to
steal dump truck and cash
Police do not consider him
a suspect in a recent string
of cyber crimes
• Wells Fargo name goes
up on former Wachovia
banks, though terms of
merger call for Wachovia
name to be used on all
Wells Fargo stagecoach
routes
• Hurricane Irene orphans
thousands of baby squirrels
Local volunteers work tirelessly
to rescue them into tasty
stews and winter hats
• CDC reports U.S.
circumcision rates drop,
as reported health
benefits of the procedure
have become hooded in
controversy
• KISS band member Gene
Simmons to wed longtime
girlfriend in tasteful,
full-makeup ceremony